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Joke of the Day

"My day has been so awful I keep looking around to see if Nicolas Cage is in it."

"Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow."

"[after lover's spat] ME: Honey. Lamb chop. Sweetie cakes. HER: You're just naming foods. ME: Pumpkin. Muffin. HER: ... ME: Zucchini bread."

"The U.S. if Trump wins"

"Look what the cat dragged in! *freaks out remembering I don't have a cat and house was built on top of a pet cemetery*"

"Three virgins go into a bar; a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. Hours later out come a blonde, a brunette, and a virgin. ....Ginger Snap!"

"I was in work the other day when a stunning Thai girl walked in. She was gorgeous. all I could think was 'don't get a boner, don't get a boner, don't get a boner.' She *did*."

"In high school I hooked up with my teacher... She was really into me... I mean I was home schooled, but still!"

"Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn't have enough money tabaccer!"

"At my new job I have 500 people under me. I work on the 98th floor."