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Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a psychiatrist's office... completely naked, but wrapped in plastic wrap. The psychiatrist looks him and down and says...I can clearly see your nuts."

"[sees a zebra for the first time] What's up with that horse? [sees a giraffe for the first time] Okay, what the hell is going on today?"

"What did the moon say to the window? Fuck off"

"Who fills in for the president of Russia when he's on leave? Deputin"

"If by ticklish, you mean I'll turn into a rabid chihuahua on bath salts if you come near my underarm, then yes I'm a little ticklish."

"Why couldn't the Gorilla pitcher make it in the major leagues? His balk was worse than his bite!"

"Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman... ... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital."

"A man walks into a bar And he orders 4 shots. Man: Have you heard the Joke that all insolvents know? Bartender: (amused) No. Man: Good. Then you can pay for my drinks."

"[keeps slapping empty glass ketchup bottle until the entire cafe is silent]"

"Why don't melons marry on a whim? They cantaloupe."