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Joke of the Day

"[Job Interview] How would you describe your time management skills? Me: Can we talk about this later? I'm late for an appointment."

"What do you call a prostitute who's upset about gun control? A sandy hooker"

"Me: Wow, you're glowing. Her: Aaaaww, thank you! Me: No, like radioactive... Her: . . . Me: Tone down the filters?"

"If you hold the iPad up to your ear you can hear the ocean but only for a little while and only if you're standing right next to the ocean."

"H: Well, the remote was definitely broken, so I went and bought a new one. Me: H: Oh, and it came with this 75"" television."

"Donations Son: ""Dad, there is someone at the door to collect donations for a community swimming pool."" Father: ""Okay, give him a glass of water."""

"I highly recommend anything. - Stoners."

"Afghan shaking a carpet I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, ""What's up Abdul, won't it fucking start?"""

"Why are postal carriers the most masculine profession? Because they're male men"

"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just beat the room for being black."