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Joke of the Day

"If we make guns illegal, then nobody will get shot anymore. That's how we stopped everybody from doing drugs"

"Dressing up as the grim reaper while at work in the ER is not amusing says HR. So uptight."

"What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment."

"Going to a Yahtzee party. I hope that isn't slang for something gay. Well, gayer than Yahtzee."

"Any dance can be a no pants dance. In fact, might be a fun way to bring back the Macarena"

"Woman goes to a psychiatrist convinced her house is made of celery. Psychiatrist tells her he's seen this sort of thing before ... it's called stalk home syndrome."

"Really no offense ladies,but why do all of you go on about your weight..then post all this food that would clog and artery..."

"What's the difference between a dentist and a sadist? Newer magazines. (Stolen shamelessly from Seinfeld)"

"drinking game: take a shot every time the futility of your existence depresses you"

"In the Navy, how do you separate the men from the boys? With a crowbar."