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Joke of the Day

"My parents say I'm too materialistic... Sent this from my new iPhone 6s Plus by the way."

"Why do Apes like tall buildings? They want to climb the heights of the business world!"

"Why are women so odd? Because they can't even. Huh huh?"

"Teacher: Look at the state of the school computer. I want that screen cleaned so I can see my face in it! Pupil: But then it will crack and we won't be able to use it at all."

"Do you know what a Freudian slip is? It's where you say one thing but fuck your mother."

"It's OK people with a poor grasp of the English language, I'm a sex attic too."

"Why did moses break his glasses in half? He wanted to part his sees."

"Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week what have you got to say about that? Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday !"

"ME [Puts up ""Have u seen my dog?"" posters across town] HER: Oh no! You've lost your dog! M: No I just think u should see him. He's awesome"

"I love the Lion King... ...but Simba is so slow. Sometimes I wish he'd Mufasa."