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Joke of the Day

"I watched my dog chase his tail in circles for ten minutes. It amazed me how stupid and easily entertained he was. Then I realized I had just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes."

"Capital Reward Stoners get stoned in Saudi Arabia"

"Why don't you buy your wife a watch? There's already a clock on the stove"

"Bae: come over Me: do you have food? Bae: my parents aren't home Me: Are they gonna come back with food?"

"What does a pedophile order when he goes to a cannibal restaurant? Eh, just something off the kids menu."

"Why does Santa have such a big sack? Becomes he only CUMS once a year"

"You can't say Happiness without... ... Penis."

"I've been diagnosed with chronic fear of giants; Feefiphobia."

"If you hate someone on your Christmas list, buy them parakeets."

"No, you're not fat, you're just easy to see."