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Joke of the Day

"""Your under arrest!"" No, YOU'RE under arrest *police looks around points to himself & mouths 'me'* Yeah you. *he tosses me cop car keys*"

"What does a code-switching trilingual Russian say when he wants to increase his bovine supply? Mas cow."

"What does Islamic extremists and skydivers have in common? they're both Paris shooters"

"The thing that frightens me the most about being brutally murdered is having Nancy Grace screeching about the details of it on primetime tv."

"I became a proud father today He just turned four, but he was a boring little shit the first few years."

"Manslaughter: The sound a man makes when laughing."

"My aunt sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. After much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her"

"Do you want to know a good Jewish wine? Ma, when are we going to Miami?"

"I've found the perfect weight-loss system for Americans. Convert to the metric system and lose half your weight in just seconds."

"What do you call Hitler with a fin? Adolf-fin"