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Joke of the Day

"A cow moves in next door to a horse... ...the horse says, ""Welcome to the neighhhhhhhhhhhhborhood!"""

"A fun prank to pull on a neighbor is to introduce a species of invasive grass into his lawn."

"What do you call a Transformer that's also an optometrist? Oculus Prime."

"I don't mind if you tell me about the new diet you're on as long as you give me equal time to talk with you about my favorite doughnuts."

"How do you get a philosophy major off of your porch? Pay for the pizza."

"I have a huge fear of elevators... I've started taking steps to avoid it."

"How do you stop volcanoes from erupting? Give them earth control pills*!* heh heh heh..."

"An app like Tinder that can find me episodes of Law & Order SVU I haven't seen."

"Hey.. What do you call a really good taco? ...Juan-derful"

"[on a first date] Me: So do you like puppies? Her: Oh I love them Me: Ok, so we'll both have the puppies Waiter: Excellent choice, sir"