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Joke of the Day

"I swear...I think restaurants with drive thru's identify the dumbest employee and say ""here, you get to wear the headset"""

"If you're thinking of getting a hairless cat, go the extra mile and get a catless cat."

"My neck tattoos are so big the three people after me don't get hired either."

"Whenever I walk into a crowded men's room, I shout So this is where all the dicks hang out!"

"If the ESPN Fantasy Football app were slower and unreliable it would be playing quarterback for the Bears."

"I've been watching a bird do a mating dance for half an hour now, it's working, I want him."

"Two atoms are in a bar, Two atoms are in a bar. One says, ""I think I've lost an electron."" The other asks, ""Are you sure?"" To which the first replies, ""I'm positive."""

"it's my birthday today. IK Fuck you too."

"What you don't want to hear when having great sex ""HONEY!! I'm home !!! """

"I asked my friend why i have a thing for short Asian girls. he said ""its because you want them to call you Godzilla in bed"""