219546

Joke of the Day

"My son's default mode is ""protester being dragged out of a political rally."""

"""What time is it?"" *pulls out phone, checks Twitter, puts phone away* *Still has no idea what time it is*"

"Why did the Burger steal a heater? Because he was cold. Get it? ""Burr..."""

"Who Let The Dogs Out? Ramsay Bolton."

"I hate one-dimensional games. They're so linear."

"Putting a selfie on the top of your Christmas tree... ...because you're such a f**king star!"

"I've been taking my Flintstones' vitamins daily, but I still can't start a car with my feet."

"One day, someone is going to hold you so tight, that all of your broken pieces fit back together."

"Yeah, I'm allergic to wheat, but I really like it so I eat it anyway. I'm a real gluten for punishment."

"luke: yoda, i wish for........ your freedom yoda: i'm not a genie. i'm a person like you. i just look really weird"