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Joke of the Day

"A woman told me I seem like I ""need a blowjob,"" which has all the insight of a psychic telling a crowd ""someone here has lost a loved one."""

"Shit. I was late for my time management class."

"A selfie stick is very useful..... .. as a prod to keep people out of your personal space."

"Our baby doubled age in a single day. If my calculations are correct, a month from now she'll be about 3 million years old."

"If life gives you melons you might be dyslexic."

"Why did the pancake cross the road? His friends egged him on"

"Did you hear what the Kathmandu? He Baghdad so he could Bangkok"

"If Justin Beiber and Rebecca Black were drowning and you could only save one, Would you go to lunch or read the paper?"

"My husband is half Mexican half Polish. Last week he stole his own hubcaps."

"I'm deeply in love with you. But hard deeply, like demented. Kind of sick if you know what I mean. I will most probably end up carving you up. Want a coffee?"