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Joke of the Day

"How many Chiropractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but they'll take 30 visits to do it."

"[cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer"

"Martin Shkreli in jail: ""Can I have an aspirin?"" Jail: ""Yes. That will be $197,000."""

"I nicknamed my girlfriend Christmas She only comes once a year."

"I hate those Russian dolls They're so full of themselves."

"do you qualify to be my crush? *pulls out list* *checks off has a beating heart* yup you qualify"

"I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership."

"Guys, ladies love romance. Tell her something sweet like: You make me harder than the final level of Super Mario Bros."

"Pick the odd one out... Pick the odd one out: eggs, meat, wife, blowjob. You can beat your eggs, you can beat your meat, you can beat your wife, but you can't beat a blow job"

"One time I wore my brother's t-shirt, and my dad asked if I was dressing up as his favorite child for Halloween."