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Joke of the Day

"I'm writing a research paper on banning shredded cheese in supermarkets and instead only selling cheese is large blocks. The title is ""Make America Grate Again."""

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"Autistic guy didn't get paid for a whole year while working at Applebee's. Life is hard for stauving autists."
"Why couldn't the bike stand on it's own? Because it was two tired."
"Ever seen a horse with a carrot on a stick dangling over its head? Last night on the treadmill's TV, I saw an ad for Kentucky Fried Chicken."
"What if animals were injured in the making of a film. would it say ''Tim hurt one monkey... he feels bad."""
"[rolls a boiled egg down the bar to a hot girl] me - ""that was an accident can I have my egg back please"""
"[movie night] Her: Can I pick tonight? Me: You picked last time and it was horrible Her: WE WATCHED OUR WEDDING VIDEO"
"Ha ha! OH, HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED! ""dude, are you gonna do this every time you rearrange the furniture"""
"What value is higher than infinity? Infinity plus 1. I'm sorry."
"I listened to Winter by Vivaldi the other day... Ugh, that piece is soooo *last season*"