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Joke of the Day

"Before you have kids, practice yelling ""GET UP NOW OR I WILL TAKE YOU TO SCHOOL IN YOUR PAJAMAS!"" & see if it's right for you."

"*returns tent to Target* CASHIER: What was the problem? ME: The packing implied that there would be a family that loves me inside the tent"

"What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women"

"I think the 2016 Cubs would beat the 1908 Cubs. First, the 1908 Cubs are all dead. Second, the 2016 Cubs are all alive."

"A vegan buddhist... ...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable."

"In blind taste tests, most consumers couldn't tell if a person was blind by tasting them."

"People with private Twitter accounts should know that withholding their tweets is like not letting us talk to their toddler on the phone."

"If my teachers don't become Ms. Frizzle anytime soon, I will just keep not paying attention."

"miscarriages You know what they say about women who've had miscarriages. They lose their inner child."

"Twitter has ruined me. Just wrote ""we'll deliver your load on time"" for a transportation client and broke into peals of laughter."