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Joke of the Day

"My drivers license says I'm an organ donor, but jokes on them because I own a piano."

"What did Plaxico Burress say when he read Colin Kaepernick's Tweets? ""Man, this guy just keeps shooting himself in the foot""."

"*calls son at college* Pop quiz, son ""Ok"" What's the opposite of a hot dog ""Um...a cold cat?"" Exactly. Now let's talk about Fluffy"

"Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend."

"My downstairs neighbor thinks I'm a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that's what she wrote in her diary."

"100% of Nickelback fans drive drunk."

"I walked past a drug rehab facility today. There was a sign on the front lawn that read ""KEEP OFF THE GRASS!"""

"The Fuzz Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says to the other, ""Ever been picked up by the fuzz?"" The other replies, ""No, but I've been swung around by tits."""

"What do you want to eat a week after thanksgiving? Anything but fucking turkey..."

"The font for alphabet soup Is times new ramen."