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Joke of the Day

"Free admission to Disney On Ice!! Just push your knee against your eyes and you'll get to watch This Knee On Eyes."

"Mother in law found me... On the twitter This will be converted into a pineapple upside down cake blog for the next 72 hours. I'm so sorry"

"I don't usually sleep enough, but when I do, its still not enough."

"If there is one thing the Internet has taught us it is that even the dumbest people on Earth have somehow learned how to use the Internet"

"Just got arrested in an airport in North Carolina for peeing sitting down in the men's room."

"Just ordered some cops for my neighbours."

"Plato walks into a bar. And he realises that the bar is not a real bar. In fact, it contains the concept of 'a bar'. Then, with an amazed face, he says: ""This bar is ideal!"""

"Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry? A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top she's old enough. If it isn't cut the barrel down a bit."

"Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don't work."

"The name of a cow trying to be a Knight... Sir Loin."