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Joke of the Day

"TL;DR The fine bros me: i'm allergic to peanuts fine bros: is that an allergic reaction? me: yes fine bros: see you in court"

"Knock knock Who's there? Ana Ana who? Ana gonna tell you"

"Now that they found water on #Mars, how long before they bottle it & sell it at Whole Foods for $19?"

"I know it's a tetherball pole in a public park. But, where else can I practice my sweet, sexy dance moves on a Sunday morning?"

"What's the best way to make a girl weak in the knees? Kick em."

"A guy meets a fat chick at a convention [deleted]"

"Wanna hear a secret? I KILLED MUFASA!"

"ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license."

"What do you tell someone annoying you need a moment? One sec, cunt."

"Resumes are the most popular form of historical fiction."