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Joke of the Day

"Freddie Mercury: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me Chorus of Dads: HI JUST A POOR BOY, I'M DAD! SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY"

"She once called me bae so I had to baeurry her in my backyard.."

"What did one earring say to the other? You go on a head, i'll just hang round 'ere"

"The defense rests your honor. *camera pans to defendant taking a nap*"

"The FBI's security gets penetrated so often that we should make it an honorary Kardashian."

"In the event of a zombie apocalypse, who's the first to lose his job? a necromancer"

"What's the best part about dating an epileptic? You don't have to pay for a vibrator."

"The Comcast repairman asked if he could use my bathroom. I guess he had to cut some cable."

"How do you lower the United State's debt problem? Elect a female president."

"Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad."