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Joke of the Day

"Do you have to go to the bathroom? No You sure? Yes How about now? No Now? No [movie begins] Daddy? FOR CRYING OUT LOUD"

"What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one then!"

"Walk of shame?? More like, walk of don't judge ME because YOU didn't get laid last night."

"I was wondering when the sun would come up... and then it dawned on me."

"It's not illegal to convince your child that she is the only person who can see the sun and must never talk about it."

"What did the Irishman say about the RC car tied to his scrotum? It drives me nuts."

"Thanks honey for rolling over at 3am and telling me I should get some sleep.In my insomnia stupor that hadn't crossed my mind."

"What do you call two nuts on the wall? Walnuts. What do you call two nuts on a chest? Chestnuts. What do you call two nuts on a chin? A good blowjob."

"Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don't get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case..."

"What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once. "