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Joke of the Day
"Are you today's date? Because you're 10/10."
Next Joke
"I used to do drugs... I still do em, but I used to too. RIP Mitch Hedberg"
"How do fish go into business ? The start on a small scale !"
"Why does camping never get boring? Because it's in tents."
"Wife: Don't you think the yard needs to be mowed? (from my recliner I check google maps satellite view of our house) Me: It looks fine to me"
"Whenever someone tells me ""make yourself at home"" at their house, I always clog their toilet"
"I Farted in an Apple Store I FARTED IN A APPLE STORE AND THEY GOT MAD But it's NOT MY FAULT THEY DON'T HAVE WINDOWS"
"PATIENT: my stomach is killing me, doc DR DOG: I've got just the thing for you *hands him a prescription bottle filled with grass*"
"The less you know, the more you think you do."
"My hamster died today. He fell asleep at the wheel."