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Joke of the Day

"Why do the Lannisters have such large beds? They put two twins together to make a king."

"News knowledge is important. I was discussing with a guy about the Gaza Strip. He thought it was the adhesive side of a maxi pad."

"Holocaust jokes aren't funny. My great grandfather died in Auschwitz. He fell off of a watch tower."

"I'm 25, which means I'm just as far from 10 as I am from 40. Although, in terms of money and maturity, I'm still way closer to 10."

"Why was Jesus so ripped? because he did crossfit..."

"Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that's how I feel today."

"[2nd time at girls house] ""where's your dog?"" Oh he isn't mine. I was dog sitting [makes text alert sound w mouth] ""Its work. I gotta go"""

"When a relationship becomes too much work can you outsource the work to China?"

"I measured your Mother's resistance to being accelerated by a force. The answer was massive."

"It irks me when my wife doesn't fold my shirts the way I like. It irks her when I do a bunch of drugs & destroy our family. Potato Po-tah-to"