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Joke of the Day

"I have a joke about unemployment It doesn't work though"

"What did the Mexican firefighter call his two sons? Jose and Hose-B"

"I'm trying to explain Twitter to this cop. He still wants to know why I'm driving naked."

"I'm going to put my grandmother on speed dial. I'll call it Instagram."

"Despite my rock and roll lifestyle, I'm pretty sure I'm going to die via punctured gums from a tortilla chip."

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm a hoarder and then I think,""No. But I should probably keep these used band-aids just in case."""

"its always terifying when im alone in my apartment and i hear a small child's voice say ""hello"" becuase i dread making smalltalk"

"If you ever see on a road where a section of the dotted line is missing - There is no law there."

"Guy in the dressing room next to mine: ""I don't want to get blood on these pants."" I want to reply, ""Then stay out of my way on the catwalk"""

"What is the opposite of progress? [](/colgatereally)Congress."