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Joke of the Day
"My mom likes to call from baseball games just to say she can't hear me 25 times."
Next Joke
"A man was walking his dog through a graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone. ""Morning!"" he said. The other man replied, ""No, just taking a shit."""
"I have a ""One dollar, one inch"" rule with the ladies: you give me a dollar, you get an inch. You give me three dollars, you get it all."
"If a group of necrophiliacs ran into group of zombies...who would do the chasing? Oh, I went there...;)"
"Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Cause it wasn't born yesterday."
"How many decades of knowing someone before it's rude to ask what their name is?"
"Her: when you said ""magical in bed"" this isn't exactly what I was exp- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card Her: *softly* holy shit"
"Learn from your parents mistakes... Use birth control"
"Just been confronted by my next door neighbour, apparently there's been items going missing from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants!"
"i put tinder on my kindle it burst into flames"