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Joke of the Day

"7 y/o daughter: Dad, do trees poop? Me: Of course! 7 y/o: Really? Me: Why do you think they call them ""Number 2"" pencils?"

"I took my wife to Hawaii for our 25th wedding anniversary. You know what I did for our 50th? Went back and got her."

"Two antennas met on a roof... After a while they fell in love and in a few years time the antennas got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great!"

"What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? There are twenty of them. ( ) (v)"

"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory... All I did was take a day off."

"You can tell a lot about a person just by noticing how they continue to talk after you've sighed six or seven times."

"How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off."

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't like things as much as I do."

"""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologise"" mean the same thing...except when you're at a funeral."

"Being a Twitter elite is like being the most popular patient in the asylum."