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Joke of the Day

"What did the philosophically-wise Mongol general say to motivate himself? I'm not Immanuel Kant. I'm Genghis Kahn!"

"What do you call it again where you think of a tweet while you're offline so you have to say it out loud? Conversation?"

"I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier. Must be going through a tough period in her life."

"What is the collective noun for three dyslexics? A riot."

"I refuse to be an organ donor. Mainly because I'd like to be a fully-functional zombie if I rise for the apocalypse."

"Opened a can of Pillsbury rolls and was reminded of why I shouldn't wear skinny jeans."

"I was surprised to learn that the Israeli form of martial art was Krav maga... I always thought they used JEWjitzu..."

"There are two penguins in a bathtub... One looked to the other and said, ""No Soap Radio"""

"[me giving tour of city landmarks] and on your left you'll see a corgi in a bandanahe's not part of the tour but let's go get a closer look"

"What goes vroom rrt... vroom rrt... vroom rrt... A blond at a flashing red light."