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Joke of the Day

"What's the most useless thing on a woman? A drunken Irishmen at 3am. [EDIT]: This isn't meant to be sexist, it is self-defamation."

"Never make fun of an overweight person with a lisp. They're probably thick and tired of it."

"I started carrying a knife after a mugging attempt a few months ago. After that my mugging attempts have been very successful"

"You do not count as a person if it's 75 degrees & you're wearing a wool beanie."

"Money cant buy happiness . . . but somehow, its more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle."

"My attitude changes in 5 seconds flat. From sweetheart to bitch. So I suggest you don't test that."

"There was an old man from Peru... whose limericks all end on line two."

"Mother in law just said global warming with air quotes. It's going to be a long night."

"What gun would Jesus outlaw first? A nail gun"

"Every time you watch Jersey Shore another book commits suicide"