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Joke of the Day

"Ugh I have to write an autobiography?? STORY OF MY LIFE."

"What is a vampire's favourite soup ? Scream of mushroom !"

"A mother called the police on her 6 month old baby for not taking a nap. He was resisting a rest."

"TIFU was good, but the hole was too small."

"So my ex-wife is a bird lover... she always wanted a black cockatoo"

"I can't believe it's almost 2012 & there isn't a prenatal test to find out if you're gonna have one of those kids who's really into magic."

"Rules for texting a girl: 1. Don't take 40 minutes to reply. 2. Use good grammar. 3. Ask Questions. 4. Use the face."

"I love playing ""Army men"" with my Girlfriend I just lay on the ground an she blows the hell outta me"

"Who is your favorite X-Man? Mine is Bruce Jenner"

"There's this girl I know, and I'm like a god to her. Because I'm always watching her. And she's never seen me."