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Joke of the Day

"What is black, white, and red all over? The Ferguson riots"

"My phone dies, freeing me from my prison. I look up at the world. Deer live in my house."

"So far my favorite villain in the Superman/Batman movie is the casting director."

"When to leave your girlfriend? When your wife's clothes start to fit her."

"First line in frozen pizza instructions: DO NOT EAT FROZEN PIZZA W/OUT COOKING. It's almost like they know I'm the target demographic."

"When a boy turns 12 he is given the choice between a big dick or a good memory... I can't remember what I picked"

"If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted."

"I liked a friend's Instagram photo 3 seconds after they posted it and now have to spend my entire life proving to them I'm not a total loser"

"A Mormon president would face the most difficult issue any president has. Deciding who's the First Lady, who's the Second Lady, and who's the Third Lady."

"Did you hear about the suspect who was released from jail after he touched grounded metal and received a static shock? He was cleared of all charges."