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Joke of the Day

"Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: She's trying to hold on to a thought."

"Just watched the movie 2012 and honestly I don't remember any of that happening."

"The real magic of Christmas is how quickly money vanishes from my wallet."

"The worst time to find out your parents are dead is probably right after you've taken a large hit from helium balloon."

"If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there."

"What do you call a letter from a feminist? Hate male."

"I should've been a child star so I could've gotten all my working out of the way and been an accomplished drug addict by now."

"The Dalai Lama Walks Into a Pizza Shop... ...and asks says, ""Can you make me one with everything?"""

"My father got crushed by a falling piano. His funeral was very low key."

"After my friend passed away I got his sibling a parrot to soften the blow. I also taught it to say, ""Dave, it's your brother. Reincarnation is real!"""