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Joke of the Day

"""when people say different color bell peppers taste different"" [doctor nodding] I meant anything bothering you physically"

"*robs neighbor's chicken coop* *serves poached eggs*"

"Donald Trump's dream is within his grasp He's about to get fucked by every woman in America"

"You can lead a horse to water... but jet fuel can't melt steel beams."

"Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice? My boner, during my girlfriends period."

"So the iPhone 7 gets arrested... He puts on his earpods and smugly declares ""sorry, you can't charge me while I'm using my headphones""."

"I like my women like I like my coffee... ...hot and in my hands **right now**."

"Spelling cunts. *counts."

"What's tennis players favourite city? Volley wood!"

"An owl and a mouse are sitting on a branch when a farmer walks by below. The owl turns to the mouse and says nothing. Because owls can't speak. The owl then eats the mouse because it's a bird of prey."