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Joke of the Day

"I'm really glad I'm taking physics... ...because although my grade falling, at least I can calculate it's velocity."

"Divorce court is like regular court except the judge sentences you to freedom."

"Old people smell weird because They are surrounded by hundreds upon thousands of skin cells that have fallen off of their bodies over the years. Dead... Like all of their friends..."

"The versatile gay actor wanted to be cast in both ""A Christmas Carol"" and ""A Midsummer Nights Dream"" So he could be both a Bottom and a Topper."

"*Dog puts cupcake on my nose and tells me to ""stay"""

"My laziness is like the number 8. Once it lies down, it becomes infinite."

"I just did all the math and it turns out that girls have tweeted ""Sushi time!"" on 4,362,622,021 different occasions."

"""she's too good for him"" ""he doesn't deserve her"" ""she should be with me"" ""I need a good girl like that"" --me looking at other people's dogs"

"Cocky joke: You know, I've recently decided I just don't like my penis. It's such a huge dick."

"A man walks into a schizophrenia hospital He says ""there's a lot of people in here"" To which a nurse replies ""get here you!"""