206217

Joke of the Day

"The minute I even contemplate wearing a white shirt, 11 jars of salsa fall from the sky and spill on it and then it catches on fire"

"Why do people say that Canadians always want to establish that they're Canadian? As a Canadian, this offends me."

"Whats the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? On the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside."

"I stopped carrying my phone in my shirt pocket, because every time it vibrated my first thought was: Heart attack!"

"What do women and hurricanes have in common? When they come, they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take the house."

"I'm running away to join the internet."

"What does gay rooster say? Sev-sev-seveeeeen."

"Why should a woman President never masturbate? Reports that she has her finger on The Button would cause panic."

"I don't mean to brag but my stalker has OCD so he trims my bushes while he's hiding in them waiting for me to get home."

"Me: What's for dinner? Her: Chinese. Me: I will make the Duck Sauce. *catches duck *fires up juicer"