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Joke of the Day

"You know the old saying: If it ain't Baroque... ...then it was probably written by more experimental composers after ~1760."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a whore?` None. They both fuck people for a living."

"A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, ""Can I park here?"" ... ... ""No"" says the cop. ""What about all these other cars?"" ""They didn't ask!"""

"What do you say when comforting a grammar Nazi? There, their, they're"

"Are you feeling sluggish and tired? Constantly yawning throughout your day? There's a nap for that!"

"I start, but can rarely complete my paintings and sculptures, for I am a master of the partial arts."

"You know what's funny? Lots of shit so lighten the fuck up."

"Ever since my wife had her toes amputated I can't stand to be around her. I guess I'm *lack toes* intolerant."

"beluga whale backstroke and blowing water http://youtu.be/M6f1vovJTP4"

"What do you do about a bird that shits in your car? Never ask her out again."