204721

Joke of the Day

"You say tomato, I say that's a weird thing to say for no reason. We were just sitting here quietly, and you're all ""tomato."" You can leave."

"*into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers"

"Best Husband A couple is lying in bed. The man says, ""I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."" The woman replies, ""I'll miss you..."""

"What do all Pedophiles have in common They're all Fucking Immature Ass-holes"

"Your Momma so fat when I download porn of her on the Internet I exceed my monthly data cap"

"""HULK WANT LOAN."" Bank: ""We can't loan to people like you."" ""GREEN SKIN PEOPLE??"" Bank: ""No, people who owe 2.6M in property damage."""

"Dirty funny What do you get when there are two nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What do you get with two nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you get with two nuts on your chin? A Dick in your mouth."

"I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's something I could really see myself doing."

"Chess is actually quite easy... Knight takes Rook, King takes Queen, and Bishop molests the Pawns."

"What kind of food do zombies hate? Fast food"