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Joke of the Day

"Went to the doctor the other day, he told me I had to stop lap-dancing. I asked him why and he said, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"Who is this ""one""? And why is he always arguing with people?"

"Can you spell very happy with three letters? XTC (ecstasy)."

"All I want in this world is some one I can turn to and yell, ""Avenge Me!!"" if I'm dying or wrongly accused of a crime. Oh and rocket shoes"

"I had a short prison sentence. ^that was it."

"I would make a sexist joke but... That would be wrong, and being wrong is for women."

"H G Wells walked into a library and asked for a book on Time Travel. ""Bugger off""said the librarian, ""you didn't bring it back"""

"Dog tried taking me for a run. I wasn't having it. I made her drag me the whole time."

"Imagine how much self-control the people who make bubble wrap must have."

"What's the difference between love and herpes? Love doesn't last forever."