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Joke of the Day

"This election feels like Tim Burton was writing and directing it and halfway through Quentin Tarantino took over."

"What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws; and the other is a pause at the end of a clause."

"Me: Guys, please, I just need 5 minutes without a question, so I can finish this. 4yos: Me: 4yos: Me: 4yo: Why do you need 5 minutes, Daddy?"

"If life gives you lemons... Make lemonade. If life gives you melons... You might be dyslexic"

"What do you call a Jewish Ginger? Gingerbread. Edit: Here comes the downvote brigade, haha!"

"I don't have a dirty mind. I have a sexy imagination."

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?! Years?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"I don't have a racist bone in my body. But my cartilage does not care for Mexicans."

"On the holidays I got quite drunk and being responsible decided to take a taxi home It's still in my backyard what do you guys think I should do with it?"

"The penis mightier than the sword. haha penis."