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Joke of the Day

"How many Catholic priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Nun. But really, its easier to rape little boys in the dark."

"I lost my job as a massage therapist. Apparently, I rub people the wrong way."

"What do WNBA players make? Sandwiches. Friend told me this today and had to share"

"What do you call a camel with 3 humps? Humphrey. (I was told this joke by an actual dad, it was his response to one of my jokes)"

"What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese."

"Are we still burning witches? It's the 21st century. We should be microwaving them."

"[my 1st day at press conference sign language translator job I lied on my resume to get] ME: *does Madonna's Vogue choreography for 45 min*"

"Q( - _-)________o__Q(-_ - ) Asian Ping Pong Match"

"Q: How does a blonde prepare for safe sex? A: She puts on rubber based lipstick."

"Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.. That's not a miracle. That's tapas."