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Joke of the Day

"Teachers at school: She seems to be expressing an inner need for control. Teachers at a bar: I want to punch that kid in the face."

"Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out."

"What do you call it when you give a downy kid weed? Baked potato."

"My girlfriend just said, ""Your obsession with cats is out of control, so I've packed your bags."" I think she's kicking meeeowt."

"Wife: Are you still tweeting about me being in labor? Me: Now I'm live tweeting ""The Walking Dead."" Wife: Me: Everything isn't about you."

"What do you call a German taking a shower? A Showerkraut."

"I like my women like I like my coffee strong, reliable, and forcing me to take a shit around noon every day"

"What was Jesus never thankful for? Fridays."

"What are you going to do for a face? When the monkey wants its bum back? :D"

"My favourite two word joke. Dwarf (_) &nbsp; ( _)>- &nbsp; (_) Shortage &nbsp; [By Jimmy Carr]"