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Joke of the Day

"Teachers at school: She seems to be expressing an inner need for control. Teachers at a bar: I want to punch that kid in the face."

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"Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out."
"What do you call it when you give a downy kid weed? Baked potato."
"My girlfriend just said, ""Your obsession with cats is out of control, so I've packed your bags."" I think she's kicking meeeowt."
"Wife: Are you still tweeting about me being in labor? Me: Now I'm live tweeting ""The Walking Dead."" Wife: Me: Everything isn't about you."
"What do you call a German taking a shower? A Showerkraut."
"I like my women like I like my coffee strong, reliable, and forcing me to take a shit around noon every day"
"What was Jesus never thankful for? Fridays."
"What are you going to do for a face? When the monkey wants its bum back? :D"
"My favourite two word joke. Dwarf (_)   ( _)>-   (_) Shortage   [By Jimmy Carr]"