202096

Joke of the Day

"Websites never remember me :("

"*on a 1st date* Her:..and I have 3 cats Me: Swipe left H: Did you say ""swipe left""?! M: H: M: *panicked whisper* swipeleftswipeleftswipeleft"

"I asked my dad if I was adopted... He said, ""No, but not from lack of trying."""

"I eat my hot dogs cold No bun intended"

"Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week. Mrs Baggy: Tried to? Mrs Saggy: Yes they couldn't find a crane strong enough to lift her face!"

"When a celebrity dies, who's the helpful psychopath that immediately changes all the ""is""s to ""was""s on their Wikipedia page?"

"What's the difference between a Mexican and a computer? You only have to punch the information into a computer once."

"Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it."

"Shout out to my drug dealer Jamal, he's taught me more about the metric system than any of my teachers ever did."

"Son, what was the name of the german guy that hides my stuff? Alzheimer grampa Alzheimer"