202095

Joke of the Day

"The closest feeling I get to being a soldier in war is when I'm accidentally in the path of a thrown football."

"I've just joined a Jamaican jazz band as a triangle player. I just stand at the back and ting."

"I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic."

"There's three things you should know about me, I'm Canadian, I watch Hockey, and... I'm sorry."

"I bet when slutty girls get cremated instead of ashes the family just gets an urn full of glitter."

"Husband Bear: Honey! I'm home! Wife Bear: For God's sake, would you at LEAST say hello before demanding dinner?"

"My great great grandfather died at Custer's last stand? He didn't die fighting he was camping nearby and went over to complain about the noise."

"If there's enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts, it probably isn't."

"My husband just had a heart attack during climax He was nearly there - but then he was nearly gone."

"My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic... But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord."