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Joke of the Day

"Felix Baumgartner's 127,000 ft jump becomes world's greatest free fall, unseating previous record set by the 2008 US Economy. #spacejump"

"Do You Like Wendy's? Well you're not gonna like it Wendy's nuts are bouncing off your chin."

"The dildo I bought didn't come with instructions But I guess it's just plug-n-play"

"Me: Hey lady, you can't park there. Her: I'm just running into Starbucks. Me: Oh shit, my bad. Laws don't apply to you then."

"if you watch the titanic backwards hundreds of disgusting sea zombies come together as a community and rebuild an old ship"

"Pirates and the Alphabet How come pirates can't say the alphabet? They always get lost at ""c""."

"I'll do unspeakable things to you, baby, like vqtkjx and zqkpmr."

"My wife caught me looking at a seagull at the beach so now we're in this big fight."

"What does a radical, democrat and republican have in common? They both want to make money off of other people's work!"

"""Someone offered me grapes, but I declined . I'm not used to consuming wine in pill form."" University of Chicago"