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Joke of the Day

"Animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before the last earthquake,our dog took the car keys and drove off"

"I rang up British Telecom, I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'', he said ''Not you again''."

"Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend."

"""The club can't even handle me right now."" What, like structurally? Should we call an engineer? Evacuate? Advise."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up!"

"""i want to love you, but i have crust issues."" -pizza on a date i dont know i hate myself"

"What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it. (heard this somewhere)"

"What do you get if you cross a bunch of flowers with a burglar ? Robbery with violets !"

"I've decided my tweets sound better when I say them so instead of tweeting I'm just gonna call all of you when I think of stuff."

"Girl: I like guys with six-packs... Guy: *opens refrigerator*"