196722

Joke of the Day

"My Mormon neighbor said it was rude I assumed her husband's surprise birthday party invitation was also an invitation to be her sister wife."

"""This is your Captain speaking. My co-pilot just bet me we can't do a barrel roll. So fasten your belts cuz I got five bucks riding on this"""

"I saw a VW hybrid today. It runs on gasoline and lies."

"My girlfriend would never propose to me. She doesn't have the balls."

"I liked Nicki Minaj a lot better when she was Michael Jackson."

"What do you call a wet spy? James Pond ( )"

"I like telling people to ""grow up"" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say ""Took my advice I see"""

"So, I asked a few former Wall Street employees how they were going to clean their record... ...""Submerse it in water"", they said. The bath-tards."

"I'm not saying your new girlfriends a whore but.. The Bermuda Triangle has swallowed fewer seamen"

"Is there some organization that evaluates the quality of shea butter? Because if so, it could have Fifty Grades of Shea."