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Joke of the Day

"I woke up this morning to the maid beating on my door So I finally let her out."

"Dating tip: Girls love mysterious guys. For example, tell her ""Im a lawyer.Or AM I?"" then hum the Twilight Zone theme and turn into an eagle"

"Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unviable to market a pharmaceutical in such a vastly unpopulated area."

"I'll never set a book in the ancient Roman Empire again. Ben Hur, done that."

"I heard NASCAR was a distant cousin of Formula 1. I guess that's what they mean by race relations."

"Since wine is made from grapes its technically accurate to say I did a fruit juice cleanse for New Years Eve."

"What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak!"

"*Jesus multiplies a loaf of bread for the masses* From the back: Actually I'm gluten free now. Jesus: ughhh, someone get me a fish"

"What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. But, if roses were called ""herpes"" they'd make terrible Valentine's Day gifts."

"If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that's still a sports injury, right?"