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Joke of the Day

"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room."

"What do you call a virus that affects your command-line? A Terminal Illness."

"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

"Apple made a bomb It was called the iED"

"What does poop have in common with the Boston Rioters? They're both revolting! *Baltimore. I clearly don't know my B-Cities."

"I saw a homeless man sleeping and I thought to myself, ""What if you get mugged?"" So just to be safe, I took his guitar."

"Why couldn't Batman go to the movie? Because it was rated ""PG"""

"What do you call... a dog with no back legs and steel testicles....... Sparky."

"ME: Why are you leaving? WIFE: I have hated every stupid pun of yours since we left Manhasset 20 years ago ME: Manhasset been that long?"

"Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen."