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Joke of the Day

"I have a serious inflation fetish... So I moved to zimbabwe."

"If you're having second thoughts, you're 2 ahead of most people."

"I wanted to be a palaeontologist, but my parents said there was no future in it"

"BREAKING NEWS: They just found Hillary's emails. 30 thousand 'penis enlargement' offers."

"Who is the president of the trees? BarkOak Palma"

"Old Twitter is what you'd get if an engineer brought New Twitter to Steve Jobs, and Steve beat on him relentlessly to simplify it."

"5 years ago I asked a girl if she wanted to go on a date. Yesterday I asked her if she would marry me. She said no both times, though."

"What do yu get when you cross a Jew? Christianity."

"How many mens' rights activists does out take to change a lightbulb? Well, not all of them."

"[Cat Businessmen] ""Geez, Phil, you look exhausted. Being a new father is tough, huh."" *sighs* I only got 16 hours of sleep last night."