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Joke of the Day

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm God When did this start? Well first I created the sun then the earth..."

"Monks teach peace and harmony, but they sure do seem to like resistance.. Ohmmmmmm."

"Instagram is down. Please call me so I can describe my lunch to you."

"I'm not popular, but I have nice friends. I'm not rich but I have what I need. I may not be liked but I know I'm loved."

"What is the difference between God and a police officer? God doesn't think he's a police officer."

"Pasta joke My wife laughed when I told her I was planning to bulld a car made out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!"

"Don't tell me about how you ""dressed up"" your baby for a special occasion. If you're wearing something you can shit in you aren't dressed up"

"[end of a job interview] Interviewer: Any questions? Me: If you could become half robot, would you do it? Him: Me: Him: Which half?"

"I can't STAND Shigesato Itoi... that Mother fucker."

"Pretty sure my dog is even ashamed of me right now, and I've seen him do some questionable shit. Don't ask."