190612

Joke of the Day

"what't the difference between a US election and a bunch of sly midgets? [NSFW] one is a bunch of cunning runts and the other is a bunch of running cunts."

"Why doesn't Texas float away into the Gulf of Mexico? Because Oklahoma sucks."

"1st baby: you make sure he's breathing every five minutes 2nd baby: someone replaced him with a ham in the crib and you don't even notice"

"best joke ever.. HL3 confirmed"

"I like my wine like I like my women 9 years old and locked in the cellar"

"How can you tell if a bee is on the phone? You get a buzzy signal."

"Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A: They have big fingers."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping recently? The goatherd woke him up."

"I was at a antique store and came across the first Playboy magazine ever issued...... Luckily, the owner didn't see me."

"[at the opera] Me: what's wrong with that guy Wife: shh! Me: but he's tiny, he can barely hold that violin Wife [whispers]: that's a cello"