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Joke of the Day

"""Is that a banana in your pocket or you just happy to see me?"" *Pulls out smart car"

"Your plastic surgery looks amazing. Your rotting, lifeless corpse is going to look so young. The other corpses will be so jealous."

"I had that nightmare again last night where I tweet 141 characters"

"A tray of muffins is in the oven. One muffin says ""Woo; it's hot in here."" An adjacent muffin exclaims, ""Whoa! A talking muffin!"""

"There are 3 reasons for ""Liking"" someone's Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I'm liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you."

"A lethal injection that takes two hours has no place in a civilized society. And it shouldn't happen in Arizona either."

"Married people always ask when you're getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery."

"A musician was arrested... He's in treble."

"Barack Obama is planning to tighten gun purchase loopholes by executive order this week. Republicans are already planning to shoot it down."

"When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can't have both."