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Joke of the Day

"*approaches drive-thru window on a camel* ""Sir, here's your 17 big macs and a large milkshake."" May I please have a straw? *camel collapses*"

"what do you call the skin around a vagina a woman"

"I will raise my son to treat your daughters like spoiled princesses, but only if you don't raise your daughters to think they are. Deal?"

"Do you kiss your boyfriend with that mouth? No, my boyfriends not gay."

"Been watching Sharknado. When did Tara Reid turn 60??"

"This is your brain- *holds out egg* This is your brain on drugs- *puts egg on ground, spins it while shining lazers on it*"

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same."

"Clothes are such a fraught gift because it's like: ""Here's the size and shape I think you are and so how I think you should style yourself!"""

"I like my women like I like my beef Slaughtered and then wrapped in plastic with an expiration date stamped on"

"I may not have as many Oscars as Leo anymore but... I've still got as many Tour De France wins as Lance Armstrong."